Dating & Marrying Igbo

Four steps to the wedding

Knock on the door, ask the family, agree on the list and carry the wine.

Lesson 1 of 3

Iku Aka: knocking on the door

The four stages

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1. Iku Aka / Iju Ese
The groom, his father and close relatives visit the bride’s family to formally say why they have come.
2. Seeking the Umunna’s consent
A second visit to meet the elders of the bride’s kindred and ask for their blessing.
3. Ime Ego / Ugwo Isi
The bride-price negotiation and the bridal list.
4. Igba Nkwu
The public wine-carrying ceremony that completes the customary marriage.

“A naghị agba aka eje be ogo.”
— Igbo proverb

“You do not go to your in-law’s house empty-handed.” The visitors bring palm wine, kola nuts, dry gin and soft drinks.

Plucking a flower

The groom’s father often speaks in parables, saying the family has come to pluck a beautiful flower they have seen in the house.

The bride is then called and asked in public whether she knows the visitors and agrees to the inquiry. Her yes lets the process move forward.

Lesson 2 of 3

Asking the Umunna

The family is not enough

Marriage is a community contract, so the nuclear family’s agreement is not enough. The groom must also get the blessing of the bride’s Umunna.

This visit comes with larger gifts: gallons of palm wine, kola nuts, tobacco, snuff and sometimes a goat, shared among the men.

The bridal list

It is at this stage that the bridal list is handed to the groom. From this point, courtship becomes a formal social and economic negotiation.

Lesson 3 of 3

Igba Nkwu: the big day

A public celebration

Igba Nkwu (“wine carrying”) is a festive party at the bride’s family compound. There is music, dancing, Isiagu and George fabrics, and uniform dress called Asoebi. The bride’s maids of honour, the Umuagbo, sing and support her.

Finding the husband

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1. The blessing
The bride’s father pours a cup of fresh palm wine and blesses it.
2. The search
He tells her to find her husband among the guests. She dances through the crowd while other men tease her and offer money for the wine.
3. The kneel
When she finds her groom, she kneels and offers him the cup.
4. The sip
He drinks. This is the public declaration that they are married under customary law. He drops money into the empty cup.
5. Blessings
The couple dances back to her parents for the final prayers. Later she is escorted to her new home (Idu Uno) with household items.

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